


August 2003

by gothclark



Series: freak4ever - the Journal of Clark Kent [1]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 02:30:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothclark/pseuds/gothclark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The livejournal of Clark Kent, teenage farm boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	August 2003

**Author's Note:**

> This was a project over five years in the making. Thanks to Lola, Janet and all of you who worked so hard to make the Smallville journals such a great success.  
> Disclaimer: Smallville and all characters are the property of DC Comics.

22 August @ 12:40 pm

So here I am. This seems kind of silly but my friend who isn't going to get this URL gave me a code. She said it helps her to unwind and get stuff off her chest. That's just what I need since I really don't have anybody I can talk to about things.

Anyway, more later. Maybe.

@ 10:58 pm

Why?

Why can't my dad understand that I just want to be normal? I asked again, just like I do every year, if I can be on the football team. PR's mom and dad let him join, but my dad, no way. He says I have to be careful. He's afraid I'll hurt somebody but he never gives me the chance to even try.

Sometimes I hate my life. I want so much to be just like everybody else. Maybe Lana would notice me if I wasn't such a geek and a klutz.

I have to do this paper for English class for next week. That's kind of boring I know, but so is my life. Don't get me wrong. I love small town life. It's nice and I love living on a farm but sometimes I get this feeling that my mom and dad aren't ever going to let me out of their sight.

I'm a freak and I don't just mean slightly freakish. Last week I was in the loft and I thought I heard my mom and dad talking downstairs. When I went to check they weren't there. They were in the house and I could hear them. Like I said, freak.

I'm going to ask again tomorrow morning. Maybe my dad will change his mind. I have the permission slip ready. Maybe if he sees how much I want to join he'll let me. Maybe.

Later.

24 August @ 12:54 am

After the chores

So, I came back from class with a million chores to do. My dad makes me do all the heavy lifting. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents but my dad is sort of really intense. He's always thinking about the farm.

Anyway, I saw Lana today but she didn't notice me at all. I walked right by her and she just ignored me. I stare at her and hope that she'll turn to look. You know maybe pay attention but she was with Whitney. He's her boyfriend. See that's why I want to be on the football team. She's a cheerleader so I figure if I was on the team she'd notice me and maybe...

I'm just dreaming though. Pete, my best friend, laughs and tells me I should just give it up. Chloe my other friend (I only really have two) she doesn't say anything. I don't think she likes Lana at all, but Chloe's kind of different. She's cool though. She writes for the school paper and she's the first girl that I ever kissed. Well, she kissed me up in my fortress. It was nice and she was really soft and smelled real pretty. 

I'm feeling really weird tonight. I want to run or something. I'm just too afraid I won't be able to stop and then I'll end up in South America. How would I find my way home? See, that's one of the freak things about me. I do these things that nobody else can. I can't tell anybody because mom and dad always tell me other people wouldn't understand, but I want to tell my friends. I don't think they'd hate me. I mean, it's weird but maybe they'd be okay. Mom and dad won't let me and part of me understands. I still hate it and feel alienated.

25 August @ 01:42 am

Another Day

So, I was sitting in class trying not to think about the fact that Chloe had just told me to stop mooning over Lana, when the teacher called on me. I hate being called on. I'm always afraid I'll sound stupid and everybody will laugh at me. The funny thing is, I could answer every single question she asked even though I hadn't been paying attention. Gosh, that sounds so boring.

Once I overheard these two girls Tara and Janet talking about whom they would sleep with from our class. One of them mentioned my name, which made my ears perk up, and then they both laughed. Tara said I was probably going to die a virgin. She was probably right. I mean I think about the same stuff other guys think about. I think about sex and what it would be like. I can't even talk to anybody about my fears. I'm so strong what if I break her or really hurt her bad. It scares me.

I think maybe I'll just take care of that stuff by myself, if you know what I mean. I've done it enough times already so hey a lifetime doesn't sound so bad. 

Now I've made myself all depressed. I hate being me sometimes. I'm going to go see if mom made some pie.

@ 09:16 am

I'm so angry!

My dad is so not fair. It wasn't my fault! I didn't mean to break the posts. I try so hard to be careful. I feel like running again, but I can't because I have to do chores.

So I was doing chores and as you can tell I broke something. Dad was so angry. He yelled at me. Mom told him to cool off but not before he used it as an excuse to point out what would have happened if it had been a person. I'm shaking so hard right now. I just punched a hole in the wall. I hate my life!

@ 11:50 pm

More 

So, dad is still not talking to me. He's being such an ass. I shouldn't say that about my dad I know, but what am I supposed to do? I tried to fix things but I only made them worse. Mom ran interference. So, I'm out here in the loft. I was surfing the net for a while, but that got kind of boring. So I thought I'd just make a fast post. I want to try to do this on a regular basis since I'll be writing essays a lot for the next few years, especially once school gets going.

I saw Lana again today. When I walked by her in the hallway, I tripped over my feet. It was so embarrassing. I tried to run, but I couldn't because I felt sick to my stomach. She looked at me, at least. Except it was a pity look. Not really what I was hoping for. I can't seem to get near her without tripping. I feel queasy whenever she's near me. She's so pretty. I wish I could touch her hair, and hold her in my arms. She's really tiny compared to me. I'm a big clumsy ox, all long arms, legs, and these freakish huge hands.

I've never had a girlfriend before. My best friend Pete has a new one every other week. I don't know how he does it. He tells me that he's just having fun, but I don't think I could do it like that. I want something serious and long lasting. Something like I read about in my mom's women's magazine. I sneak the magazine sometimes just to get insight into women, but I still don't understand half the stuff in there. I don't think I was meant to understand. Pete tells me to just go with it and stop thinking so much. I feel like such an alien.

This weird thing happened right after dinner. I washed the dishes while my dad and mom relaxed in the living room. I overheard everything they said even with the water running. Mom was trying to convince my dad to talk to me. She made this comment about how I'm a good kid. He agreed but didn't get up to come see me. I heard them again just like the other time. I still haven't told them about my hearing going all crazy. I'm too afraid to. I'm already enough of a freak, and this just adds to it. I don't know what to do. Wow! I guess I had way more to say than I thought. This is kind of really nice. It's nice to have a place where I can unload all my secrets. I have to get to bed now. I have chores to do in the morning.

26 August @ 06:15 pm

Lana said hi to me in the hall at school today!

29 August @ 08:59 am

Update

I haven't been around much in the last few days since I've been so busy with chores. 

So, Dad is finally talking to me again. He's acting like nothing happened and we didn't even talk about it. I prefer it that way since it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Mom was all happy and made all kinds of cool stuff for breakfast. I ate all of it, just to make her even happier. I really like making her happy. She's such a good mom. Especially with all that she has to put up with. (Mainly me)

I'm thinking of telling them about my hearing. I'm not sure what to do. I mean, on the one hand, it's pretty cool but on the other hand, it just proves how much of a freak I am.

I'm gong to ask my dad again about trying out for the football team. Maybe he's changed his mind. If I plead with him, maybe he'll realize how much I need this. I need to be able to do something normal.

I saw Lana again today. She seemed kind of down. I wanted to go talk to her, ask what was wrong, but I felt queasy again when I went near her. I don't understand it. Is this what love feels like? I thought I was going to be sick all over her shoes. 

Yet another embarrassing moment for me. A few of the football players were there. They laughed at me and when Whitney and Lana walked away, Drake and Miller pushed me against the lockers and threatened me. I wasn't scared or anything because when Lana was gone I got my strength back. But again, I had to pretend I couldn't throw them across a football field if I wanted. Oh well, at least if they follow through on the threat, I won't get hurt.

Sometimes high school is just a great big pain.

On a good note, Chloe moved into the school newsroom. It was so nice watching her be all happy. She looked all glowy and stuff. I have to admit, seeing my friends happy makes me happy. She wouldn't even let me help so I just sat back and watched. I'm probably going to do something for the paper, not sure what yet. Maybe edit. I'd like that.

I also joined the chess club. I know, only geeks join that. What can I say; I guess I'm a geek.


End file.
